you belong in mine
by lightinthedarkness2
Summary: How Hawke felt when Fenris left


DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING

Note: ok so I've been playing a lot of Dragon age 2 lately. Right now it is my favorite game. I officially am a fenris hawke fan. I do like Anders and Hawke as well but Fenris is my favorite so I thought I would write my take on how Marian felt when he left. This fanfic is going to show a softer side of Hawke and a softer side of Fenris and go deeper into the feelings that they have for each other.

Hawke rolled over in bed and felt the dampness of her pillow hit her cheek. She had tried for hours but couldn't stop the tears from falling. Slamming her fist into her pillow she let out a frusterated scream that she knew the servants could hear downstairs. She could feel all the pain and sadness rock her core and she hit her pillow again before crying his name over and over. She couldn't take the pain that racked her body. Shuddering she pulled her blanket tighter to her body feeling more tears escape and cascade down her face. She couldn't believe that it was over. She couldn't stop the questions from entering her mind. What had she done wrong? It wasn't supposed to be this way. She had given him all her love and compassion, had been a true friend and lover. She had given him everything and he had cursed her and broke her heart before walking away.

Slowly but surely she had begun to go out into the world again. She couldn't let her comrades down. They needed her. Kirkwall needed her. She still felt fresh pain every time she saw him and the crest on his waist. Her sash on his wrist, but she blocked it out. Ignoring it until she could be alone and cry on her own. Her friends noticed the change in her and hated that she was becoming a hollow shell of who she was before. She never spoke unless necessary. Never came around to the Hanged Man to talk or drink. She went from her mansion to missions and that was all. They never saw her otherwise. It was killing them seeing her become destroyed day by day.

It amazed them that she still helped him even after what he had done. She was given the chance to give him back to Danarious and she had refused and helped him kill him as well as Hadriana and still tried to comfort him after even though he had pushed her away then too. She had gotten injured for him, bled for him and they knew it affected her more then than it would've if it had been anyone else and still they never saw her falter. She was a strong leader who always had a strong front and she never let them down. It was only when alone that she broke down and let the tears fall freely down her face as she held herself trying to escape the pain. It was only then that she let her emotions overtake her and she let her guard down and she let herself cry.

It was on such a night many months later that she had been dreaming of him and woke to feel her pillow soaked through with tears. She heard knocking on the door and recognized her friends voices but ignored it. She couldn't. Not now after the dream was still fresh in her mind. She knew they wanted to help but she didn't want them to see her like this. She listened as she heard them call her name over and over. Then she heard him. He was there. So close to her. Feeling her body respond to his voice she began to move toward the door. She couldn't control her feet. They pushed her foreword when she desperately wanted to go back. She heard his voice again and it was like a balm to her. A salve for the pain. She whispered his name as silent as her voice would let her not believing that he had come for her.

She heard a banging sound and knew if she didn't answer they'd take down the door. She used what strength was left to say, "Leave."

She heard frustrated shouts on the other side of the door and sighed.

"Leave. Please. Just leave."

She heard the shouts turn to pleading and then heard him speak again. She placed a hand on the door. But stopped herself from opening it. The pain of his words was still fresh in her mind and in her heart. She stood still until she heard the footsteps fade away. Then she heard her name again. It was so soft. Her mind screamed at her not to open the door, but her heart pleaded with her, reminding her of her feelings and of what they shared. Sighing she felt her resistances breaking and she whispered his name back. She heard his body sag against the door and heard him answer softly. He was asking to let him in. Not listening to her head she quickly opened the door and looked at him.

She saw weariness in his eyes. The lines around his mouth. The sagging of his shoulders. He looked beaten. Worse than she did. She couldn't understand why. He had made it clear he hated her. She closed her eyes for a long moment cursing herself for still seeing that he was the one who had captured her heart. He was still as handsome as ever despite all his faults. Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes before looking away slowly remembering what he'd said.

_This cannot be. You have no idea how it feels to recall everything so suddenly only to have it ripped from you. _

She had pleaded with him, reminding him that they could work things out. She had thought he would stay instead he had told her the most painful thing she'd ever heard.

_This meant nothing. to me and you mean nothing. It was only something to give us a moment of happiness. It will not be. I don't belong in a world full of mages and blood magic and hypocrisy and death. _

Not bothering to listen to her reply he walked out trying desperately to ignore the sounds of her crying.

She looked away slowly before asking, "What are you doing here?"

He offered her a rueful smile. "Saving the princess."

She raised an eyebrow before silently cursing herself for getting back to familiarity and for wanting to smile. He had a talent for making her smile no matter the situation.

"That only works if you're the knight in shining armor."

"I was once."

She felt tears well up again before whispering brokenly, "Long ago."

He lowered his gaze and hung his head, "I didn't know you'd change so much. I didn't know it would destroy you."

She laughed harshly before repying. "At first I wanted it to destroy you too. I realized though that no matter how much someone has hurt me I cannot bear them ill will or wish them harm. But then again I was nothing more than a pleasant distraction. A diversion from the world and all your problems."

Cutting off his answering reply with her hand she spoke again.

"I don't need anyone to save me Fenris."

Raising her hand again she attempted to close the door on him only to have it slam back so fast she was surprised she didn't lose a finger. Glaring at her he began swearing at the top of his lungs in Tevinter and she wasn't surprised when she heard Orana drop the dishes. She felt the first smile in ages grace her face. He hadn't changed a bit. He still had a temper.

Seeing her smile only seemed to aggravate him more and she said nothing simply waiting for him to be silent. Finally he turned back to her and she asked him what she needed to know more than anything else. Her voice was barely a whisper but she knew he heard.

"Why did you leave me?"

He sighed. "We shouldn't be together. I'm an escaped slave in a borrowed mansion. You're the champion of Kirkwall and a mage."

"And I mean nothing to you." She whispered softly.

He shook his head. "You mean everything. I lied. I told you I refuse to live In a world full of hypocrisy and deception. Mages eventually all turn to blood magic or other foul deeds. Magic stains everything it touches. It killed your mother. It goes against everything I believe. I don't belong in that world."

Turning around he left her again hearing her call his name before taking his wrist in her hand burning his skin in the process. Pulling out of her grip he descended the stairs and past the servants before walking back to his mansion.

She walked to her window and saw his retreating figure before saying.

"But You belong in mine."

Thanks for reading guys I hope you liked it. I know Hawke is usually so strong but I wanted to show she's still human with emotions and feelings.


End file.
